Stigma

So I’m a man, I have 8 month old twins, i have a 4 year old. I get very little sleep. I’m struggling

I have PND and anxiety issues.

It was a difficult pregnancy. i worried all the way through – silently of course, you have to stay strong for the family.

pregnancy number one was ended with Pre-eclamsia, I almost lost my wife and baby. we probably shouldnt have had another but we wanted it and weighed it all up.

pregnancy number two was short lived and ended before the first scan.

So there was much to be anxious about this time. It wasnt easy and my wife was sick at the start and sick at the end. Both Mum and Babies were fine and were home within a week.

its been hard. we have no family in town, friends are busy and help is lacking.

its hard for my wife too and she has her moments but she’s coping extremely well. Shes amazing.

I think the pressure of being the breadwinner vs the cost of living got to me. The workload of keeping house was mounting. The sleep deprivation was tiring to say the least and the paper work for bills, banking, documents was becoming a mountain of paper.

I didn’t tell her there was an issue until the babies were 4 months as i didnt want to add to her pressure but after months of secret crying while getting the kids to sleep, while getting me to sleep, while sitting on the loo (it’s the only quiet space you get!), Id had enough and i was getting angrier, my temper was getting shorter and I really wasnt happy and something finally gave. It had to give and its better (not fixed but better) than it was.

There is a stigma with Depression, There is a bigger stigma to PND and the Post Natal part of that makes it a Stigma for Men and we don’t want to admit it or talk about it.

We are meant to be Strong, we are meant to hold the family together.

But i struggle to hold myself together but i have asked for help. Our Health visitor has refered us for help with the kids and I have been refered to a counsellor and am awaiting regular sessions. I have seen the GP and the medication has made a difference.

We are stronger as a team and we need to stick together.

I am by no way out of the woods. Some days are good, Some are awful. You need to take it one day at a time. I still cry, I still freak out, it’s just less often than before.

I’m writing this as it’s helping me to deal with it all but also to let other men out there know that they are not alone and it’s not unusual.  please talk about it. Please ask for help.

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2 thoughts on “Stigma

  1. I am so proud of you, for opening up like this my brother. Society expect us men, to be strong at all times, no matter what, which is impossible. They think, that we are some kind of machines, that doesn’t have feelings and doesn’t brake. It is sad, but true. I am glad, that you are getting the help that you need and have this blog to vent out. I sue my blog the same way. Keep posting and I will keep reading. Good luck to you and your family. :o)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Twins is really hard, especially those early months, and there is too little recognition of the impact on the sleep deprivation on the male partner. With twins you don’t get to take turns and give each other a rest. A “rest” is “only” having to deal with one newborn. Thank you for opening up.

    I have twins and another child but mostly blog about one of my boys’ battle with a chronic illness https://racheljgood.wordpress.com/2016/05/17/smiling-again/

    Liked by 1 person

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