Different Points Of View (or what others think makes a difference)

I think i am starting to deal with whats going on in my head, not completely dealing with but starting too.

The Twins have been put on a waiting list for nursery, it’s quite a waiting list but it light at the end of the tunnel. If I know that my wife can have free time to achieve what she needs to in the house and doesn’t feel under so much pressure as she can get on with “Life” with out the wee mites under her feet, then i wont feel the pressure so much either.

I don’t know if this makes sense but I feel an enormous sense of guilt from going to work each day. i know that my wife has the huge task of keeping house and looking after the three kids while I earn the bread but i feel it’s an awful lot to ask her.

We also made a decision to cancel a few things, or rather postpone a few things and cancel some others. I know this time of year is busy for everyone and im not trying to say “look we have it harder than you” as I know that’s not the case. It’s just we don’t cope as well, well i dont anyway. but since making the cancellations and postponement of a few dinner dates, photo shoot, no christmas cards this year etc out lives have gained a little bit of clarity as we’ve had time to complete everyday tasks and not worry about having to go out or be ready for something else.

My good lady’s best friend has had a baby in the last fortnight and we think i suffering from PND and my Wife says i should talk to her or her husband as it might help them and me. I still feel like a fraud though. even though the docs call what i have as ” anxiety and Male PND” I still sting from that fateful Mumsnet thread where i was pretty much burned at the stake for saying i had PND and not having given birth to the baby myself.

The stigma needs to be lifted, I shouldnt be made to feel like this. I should be able to talk about it. But this is my only real outlet as my mates don’t really understand.

I have a workmate that has recently returned to work after a few mental health problems. He is not helping matters for himself, his work mates or indeed the mental health community. There is a fair amount of swinging the lead going on. we can’t be certain but he’s not known for his honesty and is known more for storytelling.

He seems to be playing on his issues and it telling everyone and anyone that will listen. Now I know we all deal with things differently but I find this highly unusual.

I guess im telling you this as it’s not helping with the MH stigma as it feels like he’s playing on it, and that’s the general consensus in the team. I can’t even touch on the subject of me as the team as so annoyed with this one team members attitude and situation. Sometime I want to be able to take 15 minutes out to regroup but i just have to soldier on and i think this then affects my home life.

There is an awful lot to think about, do and keep up with but writing really helps, my wife certainly helps when she can and understands.

christmas is nearly here and I hope for a lovely peaceful day for all of us and indeed all of you

x