Diagnosis Day

So yesterday we cut our holiday short as after 25 months since referral we had Twin 1s communications appointment with community child health. For those of you that might not know this is the final assessment with the possibility of diagnosis for Autism.

It was 2 hours long with a new consultant and a specialist speech and language therapist. I played games with twin 1 and mum spoke to the consultant. Then we swapped.

At the end of 2 hours we were given the diagnosis that Twin 1 has Autism Spectrum Disorder. Albeit high functioning.

A lot of people ask why we wanted diagnosis. Are we labeling the kids? Do we want them to be autistic? NOPE! We just wanted to know either way. And let me just state the fact we didn’t mind either way. It makes no odds to us.

So obviously we though she was Autistic. So first reaction was relief. However throughout the day both me and mum went through every emotion possible I think.

We also told Twin 1 who if you remember is six. We have never hid anything from her but she still doesn’t understand fully whats going on. What she does know if that she is loved and supported and will now get more support. But even though more support is something she wants (and needs) at the same time she is embarrassed of it. Kids don’t want to be different.

I say that she doesn’t understand what’s going on. Neither do we though. It’s all a whirlwind. We’ve been preparing for this moment for more than 2 years and still feel so unprepared. We have the first half of Twin 2s assessment next week. The older ones is still to be booked in and who knows when mum will get hers. So much more info to take in. So much more to prepare for.

All 5 of us have been narky with each other all day today but we are all very emotional. Lots of snapping but lots of hugs too.

Disclaimer. I apologise if anything I say is not the right language but I am just using the consultants words.

Fast Forward 6 years >> …. >>

and what a 6 years it has been.

have things got any easier? No.

Have the girls become any easier? No

Do we have more time? No.

in the last 6 years we have Moved house, all the girls have finished nursery (and started school), we went to Australia and BOOM Covid hit (so we came home) we home schooled, I furloughed, I left a job of ten years and started my own business, I lost a Step-sister, I cut off my dad (and my sister cut me off). I did a crazy amount of things for charity, we started the twins on a referal or Autism, then we got parent guilt and noticed the older one was having problems too. Then Guess what? Yup Mum too. So now we have 4/5 of us on the autism pathway and i am the only Neuro-typical in the house!

Life is busier and busier every day I am now taking a break from work to be the girls carer until we get back on track

So lets see where we go from here

TTFN

Fathers Day

A 14 year old boy and his dad are out for dinner. The dad asks the boy, “I’m thinking of leaving your mother, what do you think?”

A father that never wanted more than one kid left his family and had 2 more.

When the son wanted to visit his brother and sister more than once a month, he wasn’t allowed as the new girlfriend wouldn’t like it.

When his son needed new shoes,his dad told him he couldn’t afford the 15 quid as he needed to buy his new girlfriends daughter a keyboard.

A husband collected his belongings from his broken home and the son asks if he can keep his favourite record. Dad says “no son, it’s mine”

When his grandmother died, the boy found out from his dad by voicemail.

When his Stepsister died, the kid found out on Facebook. Dad didn’t think he would want to know.

These are the reasons that until a few years ago I wasn’t fond of fathers day.

However I have 3 beautiful daughters who I love to the end of the earth and everyday I push myself to be twice the father than my father was to me.

Being a Daddy isn’t easy and being a daddy to 3 neurodiverse girls sure has its challenges. Sure I shout too much and get angry but I would do anything for my girls. They are my number one priority and nothing will ever come between me and my girls.

I love you to the moon and back. Thank you to the one who first called me Dad and thank you to the other two for supporting that cause.

Happy Fathers day to all of you out there who never really had a dad but are one now. And a special shout out to all the single mums who deserve to have fathers day as well as mothers day.

Different Points Of View (or what others think makes a difference)

I think i am starting to deal with whats going on in my head, not completely dealing with but starting too.

The Twins have been put on a waiting list for nursery, it’s quite a waiting list but it light at the end of the tunnel. If I know that my wife can have free time to achieve what she needs to in the house and doesn’t feel under so much pressure as she can get on with “Life” with out the wee mites under her feet, then i wont feel the pressure so much either.

I don’t know if this makes sense but I feel an enormous sense of guilt from going to work each day. i know that my wife has the huge task of keeping house and looking after the three kids while I earn the bread but i feel it’s an awful lot to ask her.

We also made a decision to cancel a few things, or rather postpone a few things and cancel some others. I know this time of year is busy for everyone and im not trying to say “look we have it harder than you” as I know that’s not the case. It’s just we don’t cope as well, well i dont anyway. but since making the cancellations and postponement of a few dinner dates, photo shoot, no christmas cards this year etc out lives have gained a little bit of clarity as we’ve had time to complete everyday tasks and not worry about having to go out or be ready for something else.

My good lady’s best friend has had a baby in the last fortnight and we think i suffering from PND and my Wife says i should talk to her or her husband as it might help them and me. I still feel like a fraud though. even though the docs call what i have as ” anxiety and Male PND” I still sting from that fateful Mumsnet thread where i was pretty much burned at the stake for saying i had PND and not having given birth to the baby myself.

The stigma needs to be lifted, I shouldnt be made to feel like this. I should be able to talk about it. But this is my only real outlet as my mates don’t really understand.

I have a workmate that has recently returned to work after a few mental health problems. He is not helping matters for himself, his work mates or indeed the mental health community. There is a fair amount of swinging the lead going on. we can’t be certain but he’s not known for his honesty and is known more for storytelling.

He seems to be playing on his issues and it telling everyone and anyone that will listen. Now I know we all deal with things differently but I find this highly unusual.

I guess im telling you this as it’s not helping with the MH stigma as it feels like he’s playing on it, and that’s the general consensus in the team. I can’t even touch on the subject of me as the team as so annoyed with this one team members attitude and situation. Sometime I want to be able to take 15 minutes out to regroup but i just have to soldier on and i think this then affects my home life.

There is an awful lot to think about, do and keep up with but writing really helps, my wife certainly helps when she can and understands.

christmas is nearly here and I hope for a lovely peaceful day for all of us and indeed all of you

x

 

 

Time flys….

So i havent posted for a while.

life has not been easy dealing with the PND and Anxiety.

The Girls are growing up fast and have just turned one. Our four year old has started school and is settling in well.

you would think with one a school things would be easier at home but its not, you just realise how much of a help a playmate is.

I posted on mumsnet for some advice on the PND in dads and got seriously burned. I mean i have been diagnosed but there are some vicious mums on there didnt believe it and like to make thier thoughts known. so thats why ive been quiet on here

I have good days and bad days,  some days i cope on my own and somedays i cant cope even with help. i just have to take one day at a time.

It all stems beacuse i know my better half has the hardest job of looking after the kids and keeping house and working one day a week. so the guilt gets me the most that i cant help as im working 40hrs a week and i want to lighten her load but i cant so i feel helpless.

i know i shouldnt but i do.

one day at a time…..

Its Harder than you think

So ive been through this all before, i have a 4 yr old. it was hard enough with the first as you learn what to do.

so it should be easier with the second then. Well it might well have been if the 3rd hadnt come along at the same time. Now dont get me wrong i wouldnt change it. I love the 3 of them and wouldnt have it any other way. It just hard thats all.

Its non stop, the 4 year old wants to show you a magical creation shes made, twin 1 is crying and twin 2 has done a poo. Wife consoles twin 1 and trys to feed – i dont have right bits for that. I change the nappy on twin 2. 4 year old getting annoyed about the lack of interest in the creation. twin 1 has been sick. wife not best pleased. twin 2 is hungry after poo. twin 1 carries on feeding. 4 year old is hungry too. twin 2 crys. i make some food for 4 year old. twin 1 does a poo too. wife starts to change her. 4 year old gets food. she didnt want 9 bits of orange and goes off in the huff. i take over changing twin 1 and wife feeds twin 2 as shes still screaming. twin 1 is still hungry and wants fed while getting changed. twin 1 is sick on the changing station. 4 year old wants to help with nappy and is still hungry. twin 2 has wind so starts to scream again. twin 1 is moaning as she wants more food too. twin 2 is happy now but then wants to sleep. i bounce her in her chair. 4 year old wants to help but also watch c beebies. twin 2 sleeping, twin 1 feeding and 4 yearold watching tv. i make a cuppa and breath.

thats just 20 minutes of my day. but this is constant, eat sleep poo repeat.

teething is just starting too. . .

 

 

Hello blogworld!

I’m a daddy to 3 girls one whos 4 and the others are baby twins, I live with my wife in our two bedroom house in the suburbs of the city

i know there are many blogs out there and im not writing this for anyone in paticular. its more of a medium to vent and get things out in the open.

so if you are reading i hope you find it interesting but if you dont thats ok.

thanks

dad of 1 plus 2